Grief + Children 101
By Surviving Grief:
Physical Manifestations of Grief
Guiding Children Through Big Feelings Related to Grief + Loss
Articles
Successful Children Who Lost a Parent
Summary: Written with the perspective of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, this article takes a deep dive into the world of 'successful' adults who lost a parent during childhood. While many articles exist that highlight the negative outcomes of losing a parent so young, this one takes a different approach, illuminating the 'eminent orphans' effect, a category designed to include those "who are on their own... forced to persist, to invent, to chart their own way".
How to Talk to Kids About Death, Step by Step
Helping Children Deal with Grief by the Child Mind Institute
About Childhood Grief by the National Alliance for Grieving Children
Age Related Reactions to a Traumatic Event
Books
A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children
"Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly offer wise guidance on virtually every aspect of childhood loss, from living with someone who's dying to preparing the funeral; from explaining death to a two year old to managing the moods of a grieving teenager; from dealing with people who don't understand to learning how and where to get help from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups; from developing a new sense of self to continuing a relationship with the person who died. Throughout, the authors advocate an open, honest approach, suggesting that our instinctive desire to "protect" children from the reality of death may be more harmful than helpful. 'Children want you to acknowledge what is happening, to help them understand it,' the authors suggest. 'In this way, they learn to trust their own ability to make sense out of what they see.'"
Who it's for: Parents, caregivers, loved ones, and anyone else who is around a grieving child.
"The therapeutic activity book provides a creative vehicle for kids to develop visual and verbal strategies to express emotions and heal from loss. The Caregiver's guide is a compact companion resource that offers ways adults can comfort and support kids experiencing loss that work in partnership with the creative expression activities in Draw It Out."
"In this relatable and reassuring contemporary classic, a mother tells her two children that they're all connected by an invisible string. "That's impossible!" the children insist, but still they want to know more: "What kind of string?" The answer is the simple truth that binds us all: An Invisible String made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love. Does everybody have an Invisible String? How far does it reach? Does it ever go away? This heartwarming picture book for all ages explores questions about the intangible yet unbreakable connections between us, and opens up deeper conversations about love.
Recommended and adopted by parenting blogs, bereavement support groups, hospice centers, foster care and social service agencies, military library services, church groups, and educators, The Invisible String offers a very simple approach to overcoming loneliness, separation, or loss with an imaginative twist that children easily understand and embrace, and delivers a particularly compelling message in today's uncertain times."
Who it's for: suggested ages of 4-8 years old, however this book is loved by many ages.
"Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it's okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. An invaluable resource for life's toughest moments."
Who it's for: recommended ages 3-6 years old.
"From the perspective of a young child, Joanna Rowland artfully describes what it is like to remember and grieve a loved one who has died. The child in the story creates a memory box to keep mementos and written memories of the loved one, to help in the grieving process. Heartfelt and comforting, The Memory Box will help children and adults talk about this very difficult topic together. The unique point of view allows the reader to imagine the loss of any they have loved - a friend, family member, or even a pet. A parent guide in the back includes information on helping children manage the complex and difficult emotions they feel when they lose someone they love, as well as suggestions on how to create their own memory box."
Who it's for: recommended ages 4-8 years old.
"There is a wonder and magic to childhood. We don’t realize it at the time, of course . . . yet the adults in our lives do. They encourage us to see things in the stars, to find joy in colors and laughter as we play.
But what happens when that special someone who encourages such wonder and magic is no longer around? We can hide, we can place our heart in a bottle and grow up . . . or we can find another special someone who understands the magic. And we can encourage them to see things in the stars, find joy among colors and laughter as they play.
Oliver Jeffers delivers a remarkable book, a touching and resonant tale reminiscent of The Giving Tree that will speak to the hearts of children and parents alike."
Who it's for: reading level 4-8 years old, but enjoyed by all ages.
"When something sad happens, Taylor doesn't know where to turn. All the animals are sure they have the answer. The chicken wants to talk it out, but Taylor doesn't feel like chatting. The bear thinks Taylor should get angry, but that's not quite right either. One by one, the animals try to tell Taylor how to act, and one by one they fail to offer comfort. Then the rabbit arrives. All the rabbit does is listen . . . which is just what Taylor needs.
With its spare, poignant text and irresistibly sweet illustration, The Rabbit Listened is about how to comfort and heal the people in your life, by taking the time to carefully, lovingly, gently listen."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 3-5 years old
"Bestselling novelist (How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents) and children's (The Tia Lola Stories) author Julia Alvarez's new picture book is a beautifully crafted poem for children that gently addresses the emotional side of death. The book asks, "When somebody dies, where do they go? / Do they go where the wind goes when it blows? ... Do they wink back at me when I wish on a star? Do they whisper, 'You're perfect, just as you are'? ..." Illustrated by Vermont woodcut artist, Sabra Field, Where Do They Go? is a beautiful and comforting meditation on death, asking questions young readers might have about what happens to those they love after they die."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 3-7 years old
"After Old Turtle swims his last swim and breathes his last breath, and the waves gently take him away, his friends lovingly remember how he impacted each and every one of them. As the sea animals think back on how much better Old Turtle made their lives and their world, they realize that he is not truly gone, because his memory and legacy will last forever."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 3-7 years old
"Gus lives in a big park in the middle of an even bigger city, and he spends his days with Ida. Ida is right there. Always.
Then one sad day, Gus learns that Ida is very sick, and she isn’t going to get better. The friends help each other face the difficult news with whispers, sniffles, cuddles, and even laughs. Slowly Gus realizes that even after Ida is gone, she will still be with him—through the sounds of their city, and the memories that live in their favorite spots.
Ida, Always is an exquisitely told story of two best friends—inspired by a real bear friendship—and a gentle, moving, needed reminder that loved ones lost will stay in our hearts, always."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 4-8 years old
"When a close friend or family member dies, it can be difficult for children to express their feelings. I Miss You helps boys and girls understand that death is a natural complement to life, and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings for them to have following a loved one's death. Titles in the sensitively presented A First Look At series explore the dynamics of various relationships experienced by children of preschool through early school age. Kids are encouraged to understand personal feelings and social problems as a first step in dealing with them. Written by psychotherapist and counselor Pat Thomas, these books promote positive interaction among children, parents, and teachers. The story lines are simple and direct--easily accessible to younger children. There are full-color illustrations on every page."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 4-7 years old
"Love is the greatest gift we have to give our children. It's the one thing they can carry with them each and every day.
If love could take shape it might look something like these heartfelt words and images from the inimitable Nancy Tillman. Wherever You Are is a book to share with your loved ones, no matter how near or far, young or old, they are."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 4-8 years old
"After the phenomenal success of The Storm Whale and On Sudden Hill, this new book by Benji Davies deals with the emotional topic of losing a grandparent. Subtly told, this beautifully illustrated book tackles a difficult subject with great sensitivity and depth."
"With haunting echoes of the current refugee crisis this beautifully illustrated book explores the unimaginable decisions made as a family leave their home and everything they know to escape the turmoil and tragedy brought by war. This book will stay with you long after the last page is turned."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 5-7 years old
Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs
"Tommy is four years old, and he loves visiting the home of his grandmother, Nana Downstairs, and his great-grandmother, Nana Upstairs. But one day Tommy's mother tells him Nana Upstairs won't be there anymore, and Tommy must struggle with saying good-bye to someone he loves."
Who it's for: recommended for ages 4-8 years old
"An inspiring allegory that illustrates the delicate balance between life and death, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf has helped a generation of readers navigate death and dying, grief and bereavement, the passage of time, and loss of a loved one."
Who it's for: all ages
Movies
"Despite his family’s baffling generations-old ban on music, Miguel dreams of becoming an accomplished musician like his idol, Ernesto de la Cruz. Desperate to prove his talent, Miguel finds himself in the stunning and colorful Land of the Dead following a mysterious chain of events. Along the way, he meets charming trickster Hector, and together, they set off on an extraordinary journey to unlock the real story behind Miguel’s family history."
Grief overview:
PG
"When an unthinkable tragedy, orchestrated by Simba’s wicked uncle, Scar, takes his father’s life, Simba flees the Pride Lands, leaving his loss and the life he knew behind. Eventually companioned by two hilarious and unlikely friends, Simba starts anew. But when weight of responsibility and a desperate plea from the now ravaged Pride Lands come to find the adult prince, Simba must take on a formidable enemy, and fulfill his destiny to be king."
Grief overview:
G or PG, depending on the version
"Carl Fredricksen, a retired balloon salesman, is part rascal, part dreamer who is ready for his last chance at high-flying excitement. Tying thousands of balloons to his house, Carl sets off to the lost world of his childhood dreams. Unbeknownst to Carl, Russell, an overeager 8-year-old Wilderness Explorer who has never ventured beyond his backyard, is in the wrong place at the wrong time -- Carl's front porch! The world's most unlikely duo reach new heights and meet fantastic friends like Dug, a dog with a special collar that allows him to speak, and Kevin, a rare 13-foot tall flightless bird. Stuck together in the wilds of the jungle, Carl realizes that sometimes life's biggest adventures aren't the ones you set out looking for."
PG
"14-year-old robotics genius Hiro Hamada (Potter) spends his days being a typical teenager, getting into fights and struggling to cope with his changing body. When his older brother Tadashi (Daniel Henney) becomes concerned that his brother is wasting his potential, he takes him to the robotics lab at his university where he introduces him to Baymax (Adsit), an inflatable robot created and developed by Tadashi himself. Programmed to take care of humans, Baymax starts to work with Hiro and encourages him to focus on his invention of microbots. When Hiro and Baymax discover that someone has been copying his ideas and creating microbots of their own, the pair team up to find the masked assailant."
PG
"The journey of Manolo, a young man who is torn between fulfilling the expectations of his family and following his heart. Before choosing which path to follow, he embarks on an incredible adventure that spans three fantastical worlds where he must face his greatest fears."
PG
"After Amy (Anna Paquin) loses her mother in a car accident, she must uproot her life and move to Canada to live with her father, Thomas, (Jeff Daniels), an oddball inventor with whom she has no relationship. She initially struggles to find her her place in her new home, but things change when she stumbles upon a collection of abandoned goose eggs. When the eggs hatch, Amy and her dad work together teaching the motherless birds to fly south for the winter, and their relationship blooms."
PG
"Orphaned and alone except for an uncle, Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield) lives in the walls of a train station in 1930s Paris. Hugo's job is to oil and maintain the station's clocks, but to him, his more important task is to protect a broken automaton and notebook left to him by his late father (Jude Law). Accompanied by the goddaughter (Chloë Grace Moretz) of an embittered toy merchant (Ben Kingsley), Hugo embarks on a quest to solve the mystery of the automaton and find a place he can call home."
PG
"Teenage elf brothers Ian and Barley embark on a magical quest to spend one more day with their late father. Like any good adventure, their journey is filled with cryptic maps, impossible obstacles and unimaginable discoveries. But when dear Mom finds out her sons are missing, she teams up with the legendary manticore to bring her beloved boys back home."
PG
TV Shows
Sesame Street - "Farewell, Mr. Cooper" (1983)
This episode may be a few decades old, but it is an excellent, honest discussion of grief and loss for children."
Sesame Street also has a modern web page dedicated to grief, including some videos. You can check that page out here!
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood - "Death of a Goldfish" (1970)
Podcasts
Support Groups
National Alliance for Children's Grief
-Search for grief programs by location
-Find support groups in your area